I am definitely not a type A personality. In fact, I am an ENFJ. What does that mean? There are many aspects to these types. One of the top, listed characteristics is; ENFJs have a tendency to bite off more that they can chew. This, I do, often.
I don't know why I think it's advantageous to get up before the sun to pursue enriching activities. Writing this blog, meditation (which is usually the last on the list) exercise, prayer. . .
As I look at the list, the ellipses tell the story. . .never ending list of "I shoulds". Should is an ugly word. It makes me feel like I'm failing some how. As if I am missing the mark by needing sleep. Slacking off if I don't work out every day (I don't). Slipping into the abyss if I allow myself any comfort at all.
Yesterday on my way home from work, what I focused on, was how bad my nails look, how dirty my car is, what I needed to cook for dinner. . .again the ellipses. And on and on and on the list of what I haven't done, need to do, should do.
As Confucius said; I need to adjust the steps to reach my goals. So that begs the question, what exactly are the goals? Hmmm. My goals as I sit here look like this; Stay fit, stay strong, have peace, make a difference in the world, be happy.
Funny, none of those goals include having a sparkling car or cooking a gourmet meal (well, that's an exaggeration). The point is, there are better ways to reach my goals than getting up at 4 am and/or beating myself up for what I didn't do today.
In fact, I often ask myself, why can't you wash your car, get your nails done. . . in the afternoon? BECAUSE I GOT UP AT 5 A.M.!
Fantasizing the freedom to sleep when I need to sleep, to do what I am able to do and be content.