I am the only one to solve them. Leaning on others to fix the problem for you, bail you out, only perpetuates the problem. It is hard to watch people you love in trouble. It is harder still when you clearly see, they created the problem themselves. The hardest, most loving thing you can do is say no to offering them a solution.
You see, bailing out your loved one, yes, even your children, only takes away any sense of accomplishment they may have at solving it themselves. It keeps them dependent on you or others to continually come to the rescue. Also, to rescue someone is a fallacy, you are only prolonging the problem. If one doesn't have to work to solve their own problems, it becomes easy for them to put the blame elsewhere and never have to look in the mirror.
Galatians 6:7 puts it perfectly: "Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap." I find it interesting that the people I observe, who have the most significant problems, always have them, despite all the help extended. It is also interest to watch them keep on with the behaviors that put them in that position to begin with.
The handouts keep coming and the problem remains. When my grown children ask for help with a problem they created, my response is; "You'll figure it out." And they do. They are independent, productive members of society. Was it difficult to watch them struggle? It was gut wrenching. BUT, that said, they grew and learned and changed to create a better life for themselves.
You see the biggest help you can offer another is the confidence that they have the solution inside. We all have the capacity to work through our problems given the space, and sometimes, the dire conditions to access that strength.
Take a look in the mirror and tell yourself, YES I CAN! (13 months clean and sober!! whoop whoop...)