For so long I thought of myself as a failure and I was correct. Even if the thought is an unconscious one, it is what we operate out of. I grew up being told I was a pain in the ass. A burden, a bother. In my heart and mind, that's what I operated out of. That belief was where all my choices and decisions came from.
I remember the day I questioned that belief. It was 2002 and I had worked for a certain church for 8 years. I was good at my job and very unappreciated. My annual review came up and the "board of trustees" decided they liked my work, but they were paying me too much. What?!
I won't go into the gory details, just suffice it to say, something rose up in me that day. I knew everything they believed about me was a lie. Everything I had believed about me up to that point was a lie. I packed up my desk that day and walked out.
From that point to this, everything has changed. I won't tell you it was quick or easy, it wasn't. It was just the beginning of a long arduous journey to discover who and what I really was, am. It's been 13 years and I am just now beginning to act "as if" I am a success and really believe it in my heart. It is exhilarating and scary in a good way.
The possibilities ahead are endless. I am realizing I do not have to spend the rest of my life struggling to be who I want to be. I simply have to believe it and celebrate it everyday. I Thank God every day, I had the tenacity to keep looking in the mirror and questioning myself. To stay determined to seek and find a way to break free of the deep seated belief that I was a loser.
The failures in my life are real, the difference now is that I see them for what they are, stepping stones to success. There are no wasted lessons in life, they all point us in the direction we were created to go, as long as we pay attention. Without failure there can be no success. It's in the struggle we become strong or be crushed. Thank goodness, I always knew, somewhere deep inside that "I am strong, like BULL!" and I AM!