It's a rare occasion anymore to have quiet alone time with really no constraints on time. As often as possible I try to get up by 4 am so I can have some time to myself; to write, read, pray, exercise or just sit and enjoy the peace.
Most days are spent helping others. It's my career of choice and my life at home. I do feel appreciated most of the time. I feel good about what I do most of the time. It is wearing on one's soul when you give to the point of exhaustion, then the truth comes out.
When I put up the stop sign, I need a break, it's then I realize there is no help for me. It is my life mission to live a purposeful, positive life. For that to happen I need to take some time for me.
My daughter and her family were here for a month over the holidays. It gets crowded after awhile with 4 adults and two small children in the house. One day my granddaughter, Arianna was sitting out on the porch swing, I opened the door to see what was what. Before I could even get a word out, she says to me: "Nana, I'm having ME time." Wow, five years old and she's got the right idea. Of course I quietly stepped back and closed the door.
Amazing how I never thought of the children being overwhelmed by the chaos of life. Duhhh. So, why has it been so hard for me to demand me time? It's the way I've always done it. People pleaser extraordinaire. The problem with that is, when it's what you do, it's what's expected.
Change is hard, it takes a backbone and tenacity. I've been working for change, mostly in myself for so long, I am worn down.
Fantasizing freedom from responsibility. I think I'll go for a walk.