What I've learned; conflict is a necessary event to bring about change. It is not to be feared, rather managed. I've learned to be mindful of my words always, sleep on it, and speak the truth in love.
I have historically been one to jump first and remember the parachute on the way down (crap). Now, I am working on pulling back to consider all the possibilities before jumping. Notice I said working on it. Not there, my guess is it will be a life long process.
Urgency, that sense of having to have it done now, is not a good thing most of the time. There are times, as we all know, when we have to move quickly. Otherwise it is nothing but stress and anxiety. Many times I feel such a sense of urgency about silly, everyday tasks (It all has to be done NOW). What usually ensues is chaos and a string of unfinished jobs.
On the other hand, given a task I can be trusted to carry it out. I'm learning that is not necessarily a good thing all the time. It opens the door to taking on more than I should. In my quest to change my mind, this is one glaring area I am just beginning to explore.
The therapy team at work is putting together a kick ball team. I am the captain and planned to start organizing a roster, this weekend, to keep track of those who signed up, e-mails, phone numbers, etc... Half way home last night, I realized I left all the information on my clip board at work. My first thought was AHHHHHH... I need to go back and get it. I did not. First conscious choice in stepping back. We all agreed this was going to be for FUN. Right off the bat, I was making it a chore.
Why is it so urgent to move so quickly all the time? This character defect has caused me and those around me many stressful moments that were totally unnecessary. As in the conflict Thursday evening. If I had taken the time to cool down and think through what needed to be said instead of blurting out what was on the tip of my tongue, my spouse would not have been hurt and I would not have spent the evening and next morning stressing out about it.
So many times this song plays in my mind: "Slow down, you move too fast. You've got to make the morning last. Just skipping down the cobblestones just feeling the sun and feeling groovy....59th Street Bridge Song - Simon and Garfunkel.
If only I would LISTEN.