This is SO hard, yet so validating to the person/persons, I've hurt. One of my children was particularly hurt by my addictions and erratic behavior. Over the years, I've heard her pain. Over again and again, mostly because, I believe, she thinks I'm not listening, I am. It is so important that one feels heard.
I haven't, still don't. It is very, very emotionally and spiritually painful. My darling daughter, I do hear you and I do, totally, understand how you feel. I feel the same way where my parents are/were concerned. I don't know what else I can say or do to demonstrate to you, the depth of my regret over how I made/make you feel. The depth of how very much I love you.
It is my prayer for my daughter and all the rest of my family to understand, I get what I've done, and how very sorry I am. Also to assure you all, I am pondering and working toward using our pain to change my thinking.
None of the experiences we go through in life are wasted. Each one is there to help us get closer to the person God created us to be. Pay attention to the loud and subtle lessons put before you. Pay attention when you feel as though you have wasted time in your life on a path that lead to a dead end. One day you will, given enough time and attention, have that ah ha, moment when you can say with clarity, NOW I get it. Rest assured, every step you've taken leads you to that moment.
Fantasizing freedom to learn from my stupid mistakes and one day become brilliant.