Even when you want something for yourself, doesn't mean it will come without pain. The pain of loss, mourning of a good life left behind. While I am so grateful for all the good I've experienced in the past, it got to be more painful to stay in it.
Today I rose with the decision to pull it back together. Get up and do something productive. Exercise, shower, get out of the house. Just planning the day has raised my spirits.
While the knot in my stomach is still present, today I choose to focus on something else. Someone else. My little granddaughter turned 5 yesterday. Today I will celebrate her life and let go of thinking about myself.
Funny how your day can change simply by focusing on another.
Fantasizing the freedom from anxiety by putting myself into another.