I've been on a life long quest to be the best I can be: Sober, successful, strong, productive, loved. Also; to be "seen". It appears, the deeper I delve into my psyche', the more "crap" there is to clear away.
I wrote about a melt down I had a couple days ago. Well, at the root of the melt down are feelings of being abandoned, nobody there to hold me up, while I bear the weight of my world on my shoulders. Interestingly; I have had a lot of pain and breakdown in my shoulders in the past 6 years.
Well, yesterday I realized, I rarely ask for help, let alone tell my husband what I need from him. This also brings a disturbing truth up for me. I've always believed myself courageous. Come to find out, I do have some pockets of fear.
That said, I did just that yesterday afternoon. Simply told him how I felt and asked for what I needed. It felt so good and his response was good. Hopefully, this will help me realize the freedom to ask for what I need and get it, or at least, get a reason why not.
Fantasizing the freedom to speak my truth, ask for help and live at peace with myself and others.