If I get a gift that is in line with my interests, I will use it and use it well. Pretty much every piece of exercise equipment I have I use or have used. My son knows this about me and this gift will be useful in ways I have yet to figure out.
At any rate. This new kick I've been on, self love, is opening issues I did not expect. Yesterday I posed a challenge. To leave me, in comments, adjectives to describe things you love about yourself. I got one response, elicited, out of my beautiful daughter.
She did a great job. I'm proud and hopeful I had something to do with her healthy view of herself.
On the other hand I found myself doubting myself because I was hoping for more. When I started this blog, I was doing it for myself and hopefully to help someone else. Almost immediately I started checking the stats to see how many had looked at it. I had to force myself to let it go.
To say this process has been humbling would be an understatement. Over time, I have accepted the low numbers, deciding to leave it in God's hands. That said, yesterday was the first day I actually posed a challenge. I was feeling very defeated, as if my words meant little or nothing, a waste of my time.
It was an eye opener. I've always known I'm a bit of an attention seeker, but I didn't realize how much it affected my view of myself. Today, I had to give myself a talking to. I have no control over what others are willing and comfortable doing. I have no control over anything except my own actions.
The fact that I am not marketing, advertising, known or largely followed, has nothing to do with how valuable I or my words are. It has more to do with my tech savy or lack thereof and my willingness to push and put myself out there.
This project has been a valuable learning experience for me. Everyday I write, I learn something about myself. I honestly don't think I would ever have broached the subject of self love if I had not embarked on this journey.
Fantasizing the freedom to use my time to enrich my life and be okay with obscurity.