The realization came as I spoke to someone, very important to me. Someone who has endured a hard life from the word go. Someone who never complains, never asks for help from anyone. Someone with a good, humble, joyful heart.
It struck me hard and I've been praying and pondering it ever since. She is my sister. In fact two of my sisters, living together, helping each other. Giving their love to me. Neither of them, ever, complaining. Always hopeful, always praising God and trying to better the world around them.
How could I have been so blind for so long. Feeling sorry for my "lot in life". Come on. . . I will never look at my life, or theirs the same again. I will, work to change how I behave toward them, how I behave in general.
I have learned a lesson; to be so deeply grateful for the support and life God has blessed me with. A life I should be jumping up and down for and today I am. A life with the ability to give something more of myself to those who have not, what I do.
It is with a grateful, humbled heart that I start a new day with a new outlook on everything. Thanking God for showing me, finally, the depth of my selfishness and ingratitude. Fantasizing the freedom to acknowledge my character defects and learn a new way to be in the world.