It was so bad, I felt guilty for the very fact that I am. Pretty sad state of affairs to be in.
One day while walking with my husband, he looked at me and said "hold your head up". I didn't realize that I looked down at the ground when I was out in public. That day, something clicked in me. Now, on purpose, I stand tall, shoulders back and chest out.
Powerful stance. I never realized how different I would feel, just standing up facing the world.Today, it amazes me to remember what an insecure little woman I was.
A few years later, on a road trip with several ladies from church, we were walking back to our hotel in a city at night. There were copious street lights and barely any traffic. A young black male was walking toward us, alone, across four lanes. As I turned around to see the faithful Christian women behind me clutching their bags to their chest I realized I was the only one unafraid.
I told them to relax, he was most likely more afraid of us than we should be of him. Curiously, it felt like that whole weekend there were a few women following me around.
As I was telling my 15 year old daughter about it, she said; "Well duh mom, you're a natural leader. Of course they're going to follow you." WHAT!?
From that day to this, I've been slowly but surely letting myself shine. I've had my share of time dwelling in pits of my own making. The key is learning from them and growing stronger on the journey out. Today, I can honestly say, I love myself and know that life will continue to get better and better.
Fantasizing the freedom to love myself just as I am without apology.