Our son's birthday is coming up next month. As his dad and I thought about what to get him, and all he's meant to us over the years, the 80's came flooding back. There were some really good times and some really dark times.
Funny how a seemingly normal event can trigger feelings from the past. Feelings, I thought were long gone. A question brought about by a situation on a television show, having nothing to do with me, brought up some pretty uncomfortable feelings.
It felt like I was right back there in that moment. All the hurt, anger, jealousy, just as if it had happened today. Lying in bed, trying to sleep, all those times swirling in my mind, I had to ask myself why? Why was I thrown right back into something I had, long ago, let go of?
Perhaps I haven't really let go at all. Maybe it's just been simmering below the surface, ready to pounce. Hmmmm, just a thought.
Thankfully, today I was able to tell Ed what was bothering me when he asked, instead of saying "nothing". I was also able to ask myself the hard questions. Why does this still cause such a visceral reaction? What is it I need to do about it?
I don't have the answers yet, but at least I know the question.
Fantasizing the freedom that comes from self evaluation.