I will say, during the years I had lots of alone time, I did appreciate it, even if I didn't use it to my full advantage. There is no looking back. Only forward.
So, what to do about it? Enjoy the season I'm in, knowing it is only a season. Nothing lasts forever. Appreciate where I'm at and who I'm with. Learn to take walks and find other ways to satisfy my need for solitude.
One day my windows will be open wide, letting the breeze flow through and the sunshine in. My music will play and I can dance all day.
Until then, I will go on doing service, taking snippets of time when I can and love my life. I think a crowd now and then is also a good thing. I have a friend who attracts people to her so easily. She thrives on going, going, going. I get tired just thinking about her life.
I don't want that life, I do, however envy it to some degree. I've never been a social butterfly, never will be. So, I guess you could say I admire her more than envy. Aspire to be more like her, in that she can make anybody feel special.
"I am who I am and that's all that I am!" Popeye. People can change behaviors, but it is true, but we are who we are at heart. Anyone who has raised a willful child knows that. I had a willful child, I was a willful child and thank God for willful children.
Be the best you, you can be and live the best life you can live under the circumstances you are in. To want to be someone else, leads only to disappointment and depression. Fantasizing the freedom to be the best me I can be and bloom where I am planted.