To change for the good, I believe, I need to live on purpose, think on purpose and speak on purpose. Purpose; an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal. To change for the bad, simply following my base feelings and desires selfishly, is all that is required.
For the past year and a half, I have striven to live on purpose. It has taken a lot of thought, courage and action. It has taken, looking in the mirror and choosing to get up and show up. It has also, been a series of failures.
I know I have made a fool of myself, repeatedly, in front of certain people. Therefore, I have to redeem myself in front of those same people. It is hard to do. It is also, SO, worth the effort. When I feel like I have shamed myself beyond redemption, I must realized, everyone has felt this way at some point in life.
It seems as though, when I show up in a purposeful way, people I care about, show up too. To humble ones self publicly is powerful. Much more powerful than pumping myself up in my mind. God is not finished with any of us until we have breathed in our last breath.
Give yourself permission to fail. Know too, each failure will take you higher. Fantasizing freedom to fail and try, try again.