I prayed for years to be non-judgmental. I believed after all these years, I had achieved this goal. WELL, not too long ago, less than a month really, I learned, I had not.
Sitting in a group, I virtually attacked a young woman for being loud and obnoxious. I know family. . .I was just the same way when I was young. She began to cry and let out all her feelings of unworthiness and not being heard. Wow, did that hit home.
Immediately I realized I was way off base about her. I had to ask myself, how many times have you done this without even realizing what it was. JUDGMENT!
She and I then, had a connection. An understanding of each other that led to a big hug and an apology from me. Funny thing is, once it was out in the open, her demeanor changed, she was more peaceful and quiet.
I learned, it's a good thing to check in with yourself regularly and ask the hard questions. Am I falling back into old habits and patterns? I certainly was. This character defect is so insidious and deeply rooted, left unchecked, it's no time at all and I fell right back into it.
As I look back on this and other disturbing encounters, I have to ask myself, was it me all the time? As I've said before, if I have a problem today, it's always me.
Fantasizing the freedom from character defects and judging others.