My thinking was; who cares anyway? OR; If who I am is really seen, nobody will like me. Now I think; I don't really care if you like me, I have to be true to myself or all is lost.
It's interesting to think about why people lie. I lied to protect myself, I thought. Some people lie to pump themselves up in the eyes of others. Some people lie to get what they want. The fact is; lying only hurts the liar.
It was only when I started telling the unvarnished truth, I discovered, nobody judged me. Who knew?
Today, even when I get an urge to bend the truth, I cannot. The truth is the only thing that keeps me honest. It's the only thing that keeps me sober. It's the only thing that keeps me trustworthy. It's also the only thing that lets me sleep at night.
For years, I had terrible insomnia. I'm sure there were many factors involved, not the least of them, worrying about "being found out". The fact is; I wasn't fooling anybody. Today, I pretty much know if I'm being lied to. "Can't bullshit a bullshitter" kind of thing.
Everyone knew I was lying. It took a long time to build trust with the people that matter in my life. No matter how hard it is, tell the truth. It is really true; "The truth shall set you free." No more "keeping the story straight", stomach aches, sleepless nights. The fact is everyone knows anyway.
Fantasizing the freedom to be honest, successful and trusted.