Unfortunately for me, I grew up hearing what a "pain in the ass" I was. It was my mission in life to stay in a corner and not "bother" anybody. To this day, it is a struggle for me to ask anyone for anything for fear of "bothering" them.
I was attracting attention in all the wrong ways. It's amazing that the world reflects back to you what you feel about yourself. Oh, I had a list of accomplishments I could rattle off in my mind to justify my existence, my worth. I didn't really believe it in my heart. Therefore people around me spoke to me, treated me with the same disdain I felt for myself.
The journey has been a long one and often painful. There have been mountain top experiences when I saw a glimmer of the glory live could offer. There have been seasons in "the pit", clawing my way out of the darkness.
With every height I reached, I became stronger. For whether I was climbing up out of a pit, or climbing the peak of a mountain, it was a struggle. That struggle created strength just as surly as if I were lifting 100 lb weights.
Today, I am closer than ever to saying I really, really love myself. I am grateful, God gave me a strong spirit and tenacity.
Change is hard. It is putting one foot in front of the other and doing the next right thing. It's saying good bye to my ego and listening to my spirit. It's also worth every bump and bruise I've suffered along the way.
Today I am fantasizing the freedom to love myself and receive everything I deserve in life!