A long time ago, a woman who worked with my father said to me; "Your dad is so proud of you." WHAT??? I wonder why he never said it to me?
What I remember of his contribution to my phyche' are words like; "dumbshit, shit head, pain in my ass. . ." Those words change you. Today I am 58 years old and it's only in the past few years I'm learning the lie of those words.
I may not think of them everyday, but subconsciously, every thing I've done or believed about myself was been born out of the beleif that I ruined my parents lives by simply exsisting.
As an adult, I can rationalize it, I can even understand it to a degree, what I can't do is unfeel the hurt, unhear the words, detach from the underlying responses to them.
So, if you are proud of someone, tell them. If you aren't, keep it to yourself. We are all just trying to get through life the best we can. Are you going to contribute good? or evil? toward others with your words?
Proverbs 18:21 "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit."
Fantasizing the freedom to choose my words thougthfully and lift somebody up.