He said: "Let's just take a nap." as I fought sleep on the couch. I could handle that, just barely. Well, I got up at 5:30 this morning. I guess I was tired after all. I don't know why I rarely allow myself the sleep I need.
This quote by Khalil Gibran hit home with me though. I never thought of my habit to take less or none of what I need, as pride. I guess it is. That attitude of "I don't need anything." It has gotten me in trouble more than once.
You see, when you don't take or do what you need, it comes out in unhealthy ways. The stress alone will cause health issues. The things one does to relieve the stress can cause far worse problems.
I know my attitude has shifted over the past few weeks. I have gone back to that sour, judgmental thought pattern of the past. Short with others in a business where I'm there to help them. Not a good thing.
I can directly link this attitude with the bad habit of allowing others to walk all over me. I blame them, but I am the one sitting there stewing, instead of standing up and walking away.
I think the sleep last night, while not alleviating the attitude, has opened my eyes to it. I feel like I need a day off, to reflect and rest. Of course I won't allow myself to take it. My reliability has to remain intact at all cost. Even if my back hurts and I feel like crying. I will carry on.
Fantasizing the freedom to one day take what I need without guilt.