I am having to reflect on deeper reasons I may be out of sorts these past few days. I do know there are some major frustrations I have not voiced.
I wonder if I'm the only one who rehearses arguments in their heads. The I said, then he said, kind of thing? I always lose these arguments, or discussions if I'm optimistic. Therefore we never have them.
This also, is on me. I'm one who is not afraid of much. These confrontations with my family seem to be my only "Achilles heel". It's not a small thing. This fear affects the entire family dynamic.
My problem is, when I finally get to a point of saying what's on my mind, it comes across like a sledge hammer. Therefore realizing my worst fears. I brought about what I feared most. Job 3:25 tells us: "For the thing which I fear comes on me, That which I am afraid of comes to me."
I once watched an episode of "Twilight Zone", way back in the black and white days. It was about a wife trying to prevent her husband falling off a roof. (She had seen it in a dream.)
Her very efforts to prevent this fall, caused it instead.
Even though I know these things, I still allow it to happen in my own life. Today I am; Fantasizing the freedom to speak the truth in love, and let go of fear.