Every year seems to have a theme, I'm not sure what the theme of 2016 was. For sure it was full dashed hopes and disappointment. It was a year of relapse and pain. It was also a year of wrapping up loose ends and making the way for new beginnings.
Over the past two years, working on this blog and my quest to live free I've experienced some growth, some set backs. Hopefully when it's all said and done, I've moved forward. Striving for freedom from anxiety, self imposed constraints, freedom from thinking defeated thoughts. I really believe, when one steps out on a quest to better themselves, it's difficult.
When I write down the steps I need to take, they appear simple. Simple: not complicated. At the same time they are difficult: hard to deal with or get on with.
The body wants what the body wants. It typically wants to feel good, rest, eat, pleasure, ie; sex, drugs and rock n roll. When one gets up to exercise or say no to that glass of wine, every cell in a lazy body says: "WHAT is happening here!?" Rebellion ensues and the war is on. The war between our goals and good intentions and our old, lazy ways.
I am a person who is hard working, diligent, organized, dependable, fit and strong. Some days it's just too much. I guess after 58 years of it, I'm just ready for a break. My issues are with substances my sick brain is convinced will help me relax and feel better. They DO NOT.
2017; My major goal is to take better care of me. Care about my happiness and pursue it. Accept my life, and strive for balance.
Fantasizing the freedom to believe in myself, dream big and live bigger.