I think it was the best time of year for her and for us kids. It wasn't until many years later, I learned, my father didn't want us around. As adults, he fought with my mother because he didn't want a Christmas celebration.
Today, as a wife, mother and grandmother, I am feeling a mixed bag of emotions. On one hand I'm excited and want to make cookies, decorate the house, fill it with laughter. On the other hand I feel sad because none of that is happening.
We will go to our son's home for Christmas dinner and be surrounded by all the kids, the decorations and food. I am grateful for that. I wonder what life would be like if I did all the things in my imagination.
I guess it's like the let down of a vacation when it's over. I fantasize all the perfect events and what I want to do, then the reality is just that, reality. I had a professor in school who used to say: "This is the ideal, then there is the real."
The media portrays the ideal. I get in my mind that is what life should look like, then, reality hits. In the real world we all have to deal with limitations, whether it's physical, financial, geographical or all of the above.
Today, I am going to be happy in the real world. Be grateful all my children and grandchildren are healthy and prospering. Be grateful for all I am blessed with. Let go of the "idea of the ideal" and embrace life on life's terms.
Fantasizing the freedom from the chains of the "ideal".