What is sticking with me and given me pause, is something going on with a woman at work. It's not really HER per say, more about how she reacts to me. She is a wonderful, vivacious, funny, smart, hard working person. Yet, consistently commenting on my body in a way that feels almost hostile. I've really been trying to analyze what is prompting this reaction.
I'm sure I have said and behaved in ways to give the impression that I am diligent, maybe fanatical, about my diet and exercise and attitude. Let me assure you that is not really the case. BUT, maybe it is from another person's point of view.
This quest I've been on to "find myself" has been a life long journey. For those of you who haven't know me for a long time, I may seem over the top sometimes. It's just that I'm closer now than ever to realizing who I want to be. How I want to show up in the world.
In the midst of this "quest", I've taken on a new "diet" which started out as a silly experiment, born out of the fact that we are who we deep down believe we are, say we are. It is this: Simply believing and saying I can eat whatever I want and still lose weight. Silly, I know. It seems to be working. Why? I'm sure there is a lot more to it than that.
Weight has always been an issue with me. Because of this I've worked really hard to change it. Therefore, have adopted certain rituals, habits and ways of being. Changing the way I think about food and my body, has changed how I eat. It is all these small changes over the years that, taken together, made me who I am.
Up until recently I've deep down, believed I was nothing, unworthy of respect, success or happiness. It is only in the past year I've been able to really "see" who God created me to be. This has been such a relief and brought peace and happiness inside, I'm sure it has changed me on the outside as well.
Consider, ponder and see who you believe yourself to be. Question it. It's in the questioning what you believe and why you believe it that can bring about change. You are a divine being, full of potential. Today I am believing who God says I am: Chosen, adopted, loved, redeemed and forgiven.