I have been going through some health issues over this past few months. Things related, unrelated? I do not know. The cause or no cause at all, I do not know.
How I react to it all, I know, is in my mind. The ability to change my mind. Change the way I view my future. Will I adapt in a positive way, or will I give in to the pain and the possibilities of limitations due to it?
I have been taking care of others pretty much my whole life. I cannot help but think, "if I were in this position, I'd do it so much differently." Will I?? The fact is we, none of us, can say what we would do if/when we are faced with a situation. We can prepare, we can imagine ourselves rising above it all, until. . .
Will I follow the advice I give my patients? my family members? Will I focus on the things I still CAN do, or lament the things I cannot do? At this point, I'm not sure. All this information, or, lack of information as the case may be, is still too new to be sure.
I still don't know what caused my dangerously low iron levels, so, how do I make sure it doesn't happen again? I don't know for sure why my joints are aging so quickly, how rapidly are they? How long before I am disabled by the condition? I do not know.
All I can do is today. I worked half a day today before I called it done. Tomorrow? I don't know what to expect. The only thing I have control of right this minute is my attitude.
Right this minute, I know it could be worse. I know I have options for my future should I need to redirect my energies. I know my God has it all under control.
Tomorrow may not even arrive for me, so right now, I will smile and be grateful for faith in God, the strength I do have, for a beautiful place to live, a good job, a good family, love and laughter in my world. Fantasizing freedom from self pity.